Friendship is a strange habit I just can´t seem to break no matter how bad it can get at times. I am a friendship junky, that is my addiction. The on going search for that special connection fills hours, days and all in all my life. Spent time wasted on fruitless searches and attempts. Risking it all for that possibilty. It´s the possibility that makes it all worth going through with it. Hi, I´m Angie what´s your name?

As humans we seem to crave this kind of attention no matter how our lives may be filled with love from family or even close old friends. It´s never good enough. There is always a longing for something more. One would think after finding the greatest friendship in one´s life the need for more would fade and for a time it does. Though the urge always manages to creep back in. We are doomed with discontent with our lives always wanting them to be better. Improvement is not a bad thing really, it causes us to reach new levels through growth and change. It´s to me the whole after finding something and then wanting more can just get tiring sometimes. The process of friendship is a tedious task I can never say no to.

The Early Years
So flake after flake , mismatch after mismatch the many failed attemps fill up my time. Starting at an early age splitting up my time from my family when I entered kindergarten was my first real taste of discovering friendships. All these new faces who wanted to talk to me, well at first they did. Socializing and public appearance really begins with school. I never had to really deal with strangers but now I am forced to sit with them everyday might as well have a friend or two if I have to be here.

I made my first real friend just before kindergarten with a boy named Keith. We would ride our big wheels together and then we ended up in the same class when we started school. We continued to be friends walking home together and of course riding big wheels together.

But soon it got tricky for me. He invited me inside for cookies one day and being a freak about boys and since my parents didnt know i was friends with a boy and I didnt want to tell them for some weird feeling of embarassment which was really I suppose cause maybe I liked him. I was scared by his forwardness of asking me to come in for cookies, I mean that is a big step for a five year old girl. So I freaked out and ran home which in the end pushed him away.

Basically we faded cause he wanted more from our friendship and I simply at that time couldn´t give what he wanted. Then he moved away and that was the end of my first real friend.

On to the next friend.... hmm I wanted less complications,now at about 6 years old I was ready to have myself a girl as a friend. Having gone through a couple of boy friends they were just too messy and violent for me at that young age. I recall the time I got hit in the eye with a pool stick. Wally my childhood friend and I were playing Star Wars and I got struck by the dark side and it gave me nice black eye. Anyway, a girl just sounded much safer to me and I could tell my parents about it with out feeling strange. So That is when I met Megan. We happened to meet in Kindergarten. She was in the next class over.

During the end of snack-time we met while dumping the daily snack-time milk cartons in the trash which was out in the hall. It was an instant friendship. We smiled and introduced ourselves while dumping the cartons. Sometimes you find people who it just feels natural and easy. Megan was easy and natural as a friend.

We soon found out that we were in 1st grade class together. We were so excited. We planned on sitting next to each other and shared pencils and fruity erasers and passed notes. We ate lunch together played on the playground together. Life was really good.

This friendship kept me happy through about 4th grade and then we were not in the same class and hardly saw each other anymore. We had different lunch periods and she was meeting and hanging out with a new more popular crowd. I felt doomed. Then as this friendship felt like it was fading I got word that famous friendship killer was about to happen come fifth grade Megan was moving far far away. We tried to mantain our friendship but like most things in life it faded.

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