Continued...
The Mirror Girl Years
I did alright if you disregard the drinking problem I had the first couple years of college and all the terrible boyfriends I went through and the depression I was stuck in. Even though most of my time felt horrible and isolated I did managed to find a couple special people who actually helped me through this time. Amy was there for the first year in college and then transferred out but we stayed really close with visits and letter writing and phone calls. But I really did hate the city and had a sour taste in my mouth as far as friends were concerned. I soon dropped out of school and left the city.

Now back home my closest friend turned out to be the mirror. I spent so much time alone for the next year or two, my mirror was the best company I could come by during that time it seemed. This time actually humbled me and taught me a greater sense of myself even though it was an over all sucky,dark depressing time. In the end I came out with a stronger sense of who I was and wanted to be and I guess I became friends with myself.

During that time I also became a floater. Not really getting involved with new friends. Just having one night stand friendships. I treated it much like when I was little and my parents would take me to a pool park for the day and I would make my friend for the day and when I left I would never see them again. It was so easy to do. It was a way for me to get a quick friendship fix but not having to get too involved in knowing them.

While living this floater lifestyle can be sometimes seem so simple not getting attached to anyone. Mostly it was horribly lonely. Lacking any serious close bonds and not being in school anymore I had so much free time so I decided to get a job.

Creative Inspriration
I went to the local art store and got myself a job. It was good to get out of the house. I met alot of fun people and goofed off a ton while working there. I felt like i had a full happy belly after eating one of my favorite treats. I was content. And Little did I know it I was about to meet my ultimate friend.

I remember seeing Lyle for the first time in the break room. He walked into my world like a cool tornado blowing me away with his disheveled clothes and layers of necklaces and work shoes. He was a grungy rock star lookin´ voodoo preacher man gas station attendent god all rolled into one perfect mess. He flooded my brain and heart. I was under his spell instantly. That first sight of him was like slow motion and fast forward all at once. I thought that his grandness would make me nervous but we fit perfectly together.

As far as friendships go he reminded me of that moment I had with Megan while dumpng our milk cartons out. It was immediate and natural. Its like we always knew each other. Yet I just met Lyle and I wanted to spend all my time with him. We became friends instantly at work once we were givin the same schedule to do so.

His time at the art store was short lived but it was enough time to spark a relationship that was like no other friendship I have had before. It was a deep friendship that had that total best friends for life feel. We ate together, beaded necklaces together, went to shows together, shared secrets, but it was deeper than that. There was such a strong attraction there. I never felt this with any other boyfriends. But there was one little problem he had a girlfriend.

So was I doomed to be the friend who pined for his touch never to have that fully developed relationship I felt we could have. Did he even like me the same way? Tension was growing between us. I recall sitting in his room and he was showing me how to play guitar and I was on the floor and he sat right in front almost above me on his bed guiding me on where to place my fingers. I dropped the pick and it fell between my legs and he reached down and picked it up and I was so wound up by him reaching down and picking it up I felt flush and light headed. I felt like he touched me but with his energy which drove me crazy. I felt like this often.

I was becoming tortured and felt like I couldnt go on like this. And just as I was about to give him this letter saying how I couldn´t hang out with him anymore as a friend because of my strong feelings for him. He took me on a long ass drive where we spent the entire night together in his car while he explained how he felt for me. So as it turned out he really did like me.

What a swell guy breaking up with his girl just for me. That was it they were over and we were official girlfriend/boyfriend/best friends forever. I didn´t think that sort of thing could be possible based on my past friendships with boys and my boyfriends.

There always had always been a split between the boys I had as friends who I thought were cool and mentally matched yet I didn´t feel any real attraction for them. And then there were the boys I did date who turned out to be mostly superficial based on I like thought they were totally cool looking or cute and stuff like that. Until, I met Lyle the two ideals of visual and mental never collided.

What I find within Lyle´s friendship is an exhilarating comfort that still makes me warm and fuzzy inside. It´s the many levels that our friendship has that makes it so incredible. I never thought it possible to mix friendship and romantic love without some kind of over dose but I found that it´s the strongest healthiest medicine. Through out all my ups and downs and withdrawls of friendship in the end I am glad I didn´t break the habit because I found the best addiction ever, Lyle.

Friends Til The End
All in all this friendship habit does has it´s plus sides. Even though I do admit to still being a friend junky even at my most content moment. And I swear I would kick the habit every time I came across the bad trip of a friend. Ah,but like a true addict you can never stay away from what you long for. It´s a strange desire that doesn´t really go away, I still long for new friendships that are the best new deal out there. I am a consumer of friends and will be till I die I suppose.

The End

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